Hi.... .... and welcome to our show tonight......we are here with our scribe, Sandy Loo Hoo (that's her adorable nick name for this portion of the show). Sandy Loo (real name Sandra)... but we like to be playful..... Is our guest of honor tonight..... she has been to hell and back while doing very important missionwork, both upstairs from our planes..... as well as being in her own sorta hell.... while walking the earth. She aint no drama queen guys! she is a humble, unassuming type, who just wants to stay home and mind her own business, OKAY??????? But NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Can one middle-aged lady of the house get some peace and quiet please?????????
Do you know what I mean here lightworker sorts? I think that by default you are ALL soft-spoken, mindyourownbeezwax types am i right????? You are offthegrid types, not wanting to attract undue attention... am I right? Why look at my dumb life way back in the "day." Do you think I WANTED to be DRAGGED AWAY by the cops and HUNG OUT to get WET? HELLANO!!!! I DID NOT!!! AND BY THE WAY..... ..... IT WAS 'NOT' A CROSS MY GOOD PEEPS..... .... IT WAS INFACT A WOODEN POLE.... PERIOD..... IT WAS ON A METAL 'ARM' THAT SWUNG UP AND SWUNG DOWN......AND IT WAS NOT ON DRY GROUND PEOPLE....THUS....THE EXPRESSION "HUNG OUT TO WET". ......WHICH I MIGHT ADD WAS PRETTY DARN CLEVER.....THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
YOU SEE.... I WAS HUNG UP ON A POLE WHICH WAS SUBMERGED IN WATER, THE BALTIC SEA IF YOU MUST KNOW.....THEN WHEN THE TIDE CAME IN....SOME HOURS LATER.....MY HEAD....WHICH WAS HANGING IN THE SHALLOWS JUST HOURS EARLIER.....WAS SUBMERGED IN THE FREEZING WATERS....THEREBY DROWNING MY ASS.....DEATH BY TORCHEROUS DROWNING WOULD BE THE REPORT READ BY THE LOCAL CORANAR. DROWNING UPSIDE DOWN IS EASY, FOLKS!! NO LIE....ALLS YA GOTTA DO IS TAKE ONE LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG DEEP BREATH AND 'BAM!' YOU ARE OUTTA YOUR MISERY LIKE FLY TO FLY PAPER. YOU GUYS AUTTA TRY IT SOMETIME...I MEAN.....REALLY!!!!!......IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO FLY!!!! GET YOUR MILES AND MORE AT THE DOOR FOLKS.........GETEM WHILE THEY'RE HOT AS THEY SAY!!!
TAKE A LOOK AT ALL THE GOOD FOLK ON YOUR PLANET THAT TRIED TO SPEAK UP FOR THE TRUTH, CLAIMING THERE WAS A "BETTER" WAY TO LIVE. THINK ABOUT IT....AND NOW TELL ME AGAIN WHAT HAPPENED TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM? JFK! MLK! BILL COSBY? I MEAN TO BE MET WITH SUCH A DEMISE ONLY BECAUSE.......SAY NO MORE MY GOOD MAN AND WOMAN..... SAY NO MORE :-)
BELIEVE IT OR NOT.....I HAD A SIS (A HALF PINT SIS) WHO DIED ON THAT POLE (THERE WERE TWO SIDE BY SIDE)...AND SHE WAS LED TO THE SAME FATE AS I.AND WHAT PRAYTELL WAS "SHE" DOING TO DESERVE SUCH A REWARD????? SHE GAVE THE "SERMON ON THE MOUNT". THAT "I" WAS SCHEDULED TO GIVE THAT DAY IN MARCH JUST ONE YEAR AGO TODAY (AS WE WRITE THIS TOGETHER HERE IN THE LAND OF GERM). DEUTSCHLAND, FOR THOSE LOSERS WHO DON'T GET MY DRIFTS :-/. GERMANY IS WHERE I AM TONIGHT FOLKS.....AND BOY ARE MY LEGS TIRED!!!
YEAH, YEAH, AND FRICKIN YEAH..... I HEAR YA......WAKE UP. PEOPLE....WAKE UP....
YOUR BIBLE STORIES HAVE FLAWS AT BEST, TERRIBLE AND VERY UNFAIR BLASPHEMIES AT WORST. THE BIBLE SPITS IN OUR FACES. US-- YOU KNOW--THE ONES WHO GET SLAMDUNKED FOR OUR TRUTHS. SHUT UP! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU! GO HOME TO YOUR MOTHER!!! THAT'S WHAT THEY, THE MADDENING CROWDS SAID TO THIS GOOD WOMAN WRITING THESE WORDS TODAY. HER NAME, SANDY LOO, DID NOT GO OVER WELL IN THESE OLD STINKY TIMES, SO TODAY WE WILL CALL HER "SARA". AS THAT WAS HER REAL NAME ALL THOSE MANY MOONS AGO. AND SARA SHE DIED FOR DOING MY DEEDS. MY SPEECH WAS NEVER SPOKEN BY ME, AS I WAS DETAINED BY OTHER MATTERS. A. HEM. !!! TRUTH BE TOLD... SARA WAS BASICALLY DEAD BY STONING BEFORE SHE WAS DRAGGED TO THE GALLOWS TO HER UNTIMELY DEATH. SHE WAS DRAGGED BY 3 MEN WHO WERE TRYING TO GET HER OUT OF HARMS WAY, BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE TOOK HER. THESE 3 GOOD MEN ARE ALSO WALKING THE EARTH TODAY, THEIR SOULS THAT IS (YOU SEE, THERE'S ALSO THIS THING CALLED "REINCARNATION'!). THESE 3 MEN WERE SHOT DEAD, BASICALLY, FOR TRYING TO HELP THIS YOUNG GIRL. SARA WAS 17 WHEN SHE WAS STONED AND LEFT FOR DEAD ON THE "CROSS" SHE DRIFTED OUT TO SEA BEFORE THEY EVEN FOUND ME. HER MOTHER WAS THE ONE WHO THREW THE LAST STONE THAT KNOCKED HER UNCONSCIOUS....HER OWN MOTHER!!!!! SHE WAS TRYING TO SAVE FACE SINCE THE OTHERS IN THE CROWD WERE MOCKING HER FOR RAISING SUCH A HELL RAISER. IT WAS NOT A PRETTY SCENE. BY THE TIME I ARRIVED ON THAT SCENE, IT WAS BLOODY. I CRIED ME A MOUNTAIN OF TEARS WHEN I SAW MY SISTER LYING AMONGST THE DRY PILE OF STONES, HALF ALIVE AND HALF DEAD. SHE WAS PICKED UP BY HER ONE REAL BROTHER (SHE AND I SHARED THE SAME FATHER) AND HER FATHER, MY FATHER, AND ONE OF OUR FAMILY FRIENDS-- THE ONLY ONES REMAINING AT THE TIME, AS SHE WAS LEFT FOR DEAD. HER HEART WAS BARELY BEATING. MY FATHER WAS SHOT (YES, THEY "DID" IN FACT HAVE "GUNS" BACK THEN-- ALBEIT NOT LIKE TODAY'S GUNS) ON THE SPOT, ALSO LEFT FOR DEAD.... YOUR "JOSEPH".... AND MY BROTHER WAS STABBED INTHE HEART FOR TRYING TO HELP HIS SISTER. SO I AND MY FRIEND PICK SARA UP AND WE CARRIED HER A VERY VERY LONG WAY. THEN "WE" WERE SHOT AT. A FIGHT ENSUED. THEY TOOK ME, AFTER KILLING MY FRIEND, AND DRAGGED "ME" TO THOSE SAME GALLOWS WHERE MY SISTER WAS TAKEN WHILE WE WERE BUSY FIGHTING OFF THESE MEN....AND NO....THEY WERE DEFINITELY "NOT!!!!" ROMANS......DEFINITELY NOT!!!!!!!!! THEY WERE CENTURIANS, ACTUALLY. NOT FROM THESE PARTS AT ALL, ACTUALLY. THEY CAME HERE FROM ANOTHER WORLD... TO SHUT UP THESE MORONS LIKE ME AND MY SISTER (BY DEFAULT) AND STICK THEIR FOOT IN THE SOCALLED DOOR OF MY EARTH MISSION. I DIED THE SAME WAY MY SISTER DID, NOT ON A CROSS, BUT ON AN OLD STINKY, BLODDSTAINED POLE WHICH SWUNG ME UPSIDE DOWN AND DROWNED MY ASS WHEN THE WATER LAPPED UP TO MEET MY FACE. MY BEAUTIFUL FACE PEOPLE... MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!! THERE WAS NO FUNERAL, NO RISING ON THE 3RD DAY. WHAT, NO EASTER BUNNY????? NO RESURRECTION???? REALLY??? WHATUPWIT DAT?????? YO???? IT IS TRUE, AND I DO NOT LIE... YOU SAY YOU LIKED THE OTHER STORY BETTER, AT LEAST "THAT" WAY YOU GET AN EASTER BASKET FULL OF GOODIES ONCE A FRICKIN YEAR!!!! PUT DOWN YOUR BASKETS...PUT DOWN YOUR CHILDISH WAYS FOLKS....DO YOU KNOW WHY???? BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU WHY...... HOMEY HERE...AND HIS BABY SIS HERE.....DON'T LIKE REVISING WHAT WENT DOWN. IT IS A DISHONOR TO US BOTH NOT TO BE REMEMBERED HOW IT REALLY WAS. I'M SORRY, WHERE IN THE GOOD BOOK DOES IT EVEN MENTIONED THIS FINE LITTLE LADY? WHERE? CHECK YOUR DEAD SEA SCROLLS PEOPLE...CUZ THAT'S THE ONLY PUBLISHED WORKS YOU WILL EVEN SEE MENTION OF THIS WOMAN. AND EVEN "THAT" IS A MALARKY OF GRAND PROPORTIONS....TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. I WAS THERE AND I HAVE DOCUMENTED PROOF THAT EVERYTHING I HAVE LAID DOWN HERE IS THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH. GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE MY GOOD PEOPLE. MANY OF YOU READING THIS TODAY WERE THERE DURING THOSE TIMES, WEARING DIFFERENT STINKY ROBES YOURSELVES!!! I REST MY CASE YOUR HONOR... I REST MY CASE... HAPPY DEATH DAY, DEAR SIS...YOU HAD ME AT HELLO... GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR GOOD SOUL. AND POO POO ON ME FOR NOT BEING THERE THAT DAY TO SAVE YOUR ASS SOONER. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU OR WHAT YOU SACRIFICED FOR MY STUPID LAME ASS! FULL STOP, SIS....FULL STOP..
YASHUA OUT......